Hitler! World War II! Banana slicer! Are you surprised? You shouldn’t be! I just told you!
The war meant that metals were hard to come by, hence Hutzler’s early innovations in plastic kitchen products, including plastic cookie cutters, which is all this banana slicer really is anyway. If I told you the invention of the Hutzler 571 was tied to Hitler, would you be surprised? It’s true! Company founder Lothar Hutzler fled Germany after the Nazis came to power, establishing Hutzler in the United States in 1938. Or, a pointless piece of plastic pretending to outmaneuver a knife in its own game.
BANANA SLICER SERIES
I guess man’s simple machines are too simple for our time, and the remedy to this is a series of wedges, all connected and united in the task of segmenting a banana into upwards of 18 slices. The pulley, the lever, the inclined plane. Now, to the real review strap in for this one. And come on, watch some Seinfeld or something! If you missed that, well hopefully you still enjoyed it. Longtime listeners, and those with refined taste, might just recognize the style of J. As I doled out perfectly uniform banana slices to each member of my party, I had but one thought: the Lilliputians are gonna shit! My trials, travels, and journals of methodology had all led up to this moment and like a proud father standing before his prized bird, carving knife in hand, I looked at my motley assemblage and impressed upon the Hutzler its final, true use. It was only when, having sieved the sands of Kiribati in a fruitless search for Captain Cook’s treasure, my second cousin, once revived, suggested we adjourn to the island settlement of Banana. I descaled fish and scraped ice from windshields in the Yakutia Region of Siberia for spare rubles and blood sausage. And so my travels continue.įor three months, the Hutzler and I joined a zydeco band, replacing a washboard player who had as fierce a taste for alligator as alligator did for him. I’ve seen it be many things in my time – a drying rack for swamp-soaked socks, a spaghetti serving-size separator for starved Italian troops, a ladder for my dear Lilliputian friends – but I have yet to behold each of the Hutzler’s 571 applications. In Brazil, at the Festa do Peao de Barretos, it was a substitute belt buckle, providing a fading champ one last ride in the sun. In the Australian outback, a measuring implement, as we surveyed the metes and bounds of the arid red landscape. On the Eastern face of K2 it was a carabiner, keeping our team in tandem for the final leg of our ascent. Per usual, we will start with the fake and move on to the fact. And with that said, here are the meme and real reviews of the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer, based on actually purchasing and using said product. We know what makes them funny and what makes them fall flat. Now, as pocket jokers, we at Review Party Dot Com know what makes reviews good, bad, and ugly. That okay, okay, these reviews are a bit of hogwash, but that they’re fun, and we can all have fun with this, as long as we call a spade a spade.
What we have here is some funnies, but also some self-awareness.
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